20spouses from each other the best,

and ends up getting the worst.

Gerald Brennan

The anger in marital relationships:

Anger, like coins, have two sides. Each of them can lead to winning and losing. You can learn to use anger as a positive force in the marital relationship.

Irrational (unreasonable) anger starts with condemning thoughts, categorical judgments about their spouses. For example, the thought "my husband is selfish" quickly causes a feeling of anger. Irrational anger disappears from positive thoughts.

Irrational anger occurs:

1. when spouses seek "to read" each other’s thoughts and truly believe nd that the partners in all your actions come from evil intentions. Some develop even conjugal paranoia: something that convinces them that the partners have been deliberately humiliated, ignored, misunderstood.

Such "readers" thoughts can’t tell to check in practice the validity of their thoughts. On the contrary, they are constantly looking for evidence of a secret theory, don’t like direct questions, do not allow the discussion of other possible options.

2. when thoughts, feelings, actions of the partner are the exact opposite of what he expected. People are happy when their partner meets the best expectations, and are disappointed if it is not. The inability to accept the difference between husband and wife leads to irrational anger. The cause of irrational anger is unreasonable expectations of what "needs" to be his wife. Only people, long time living together, you know how annoying the constant care of another person and how to not be tired. As a result, the irrational anger that is directed at a spouse.

The reasons for this anger are our own limitations.

It is important to remember that the spouse is an independent person with their own needs and ways of existence. He/not established/well to meet all our needs. When our dreams don’t match reality, we feel cheated and feel anger.

There is also another type of anger is a rational anger, or anger as a response to aggression.

Rational anger is:

When a spouse directly or indirectly expresses aggression, the other spouse also feels anger. It is quite difficult to learn how to respond to the aggression of a loved one, is an art. You need to weigh and discuss the different positions. Immediately counterattacking, man defends himself from feelings of shame, guilt and rejection.

If the spouses do not know how to respond to aggression directly and correctly, Unforgiven resentments accumulate like a snowball. The offended partner is outraged and immediately goes on the offensive or hide your anger, upset and becomes depressed.

In these moments, it requires open negotiations between the spouses, without the threat of personal safety.

Attacking partners should learn to leave situations in which they provoke a conflict, and the offended spouse needs to learn how to Express your anger.

Reaction to aggression is defined as:

– how anger is justified

– the form in which man expresses his anger,

– the intensity of the anger,

– the value of anger

– what do I do if he is experiencing anger, and if anger is my experiences(I) a spouse.

In the heat response of anger spouse requires its second half to change, to stop doing something. This helps to justify the feelings of rage and frustration.

To change yourself is much harder than to convince another person to change, to better reflect our views and ideas. You need to be able to resolve conflict situations in which anger arises as a response to aggression. To do this you must learn to reduce the intensity of the situation, as well as tactfully and aggressively negotiate.

Not so bad that spouses sometimes find out the relationship with each other. Most people are fraught with much more anger in his mind.

There are five main causes irrational anger:

wrong thinking,

mismatch habits

the need for control,


the requirement to devote more time and fatigue.

What is the meaning of wrong thinking?

– all people on a subconscious level background constantly run around with some ideas. These thoughts affect health. Most people are not aware of their background thoughts as long as you start to monitor your thoughts during the day. Sometimes they feel a light shock on how their internal "record" demanding and intolerant of opposition.

Tracking your thoughts, you notice the relationship between thoughts and feelings: after playing a categorical disparage anyone’s dignity verbal record certainly appears anger.

In the process of psychotherapy people become aware of what thoughts are self-destructive, about the relationship between thoughts, emotions and behavior.

After therapy, people begin to systematically monitor their thoughts, evaluate their usefulness.

Successful marriages are created by those people who are aware of their own limitations and drawbacks. If the spouses accept the shortcomings of each other, they no longer feel anger every time no praise.

If to shift their problems to another person, so anger in his reply, will be justified. In marriage it is totally unacceptable to unilaterally charge a spouse.

The problems that appear in the marriage, there is always the problem of communication and interaction. For example, in the beginning, it goes some way, thereby provoking his reaction. Then his reaction triggers a response already on her part (and of course, she would close the chain). When, finally, the partners stop blaming each other and start to resolve the situation, they begin to act as allies.


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